Do
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Don't
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Visit the deceased’s family when you hear they have passed. This is an age-old custom for those in the family or close to the family.
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Stay longer than 15 minutes when you visit the deceased’s family. They will be receiving a lot of visitors, and you don’t want to overwhelm them.
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Call the deceased’s loved ones if you are not local and cannot visit, or you cannot make it to town until the funeral.
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Keep leaving messages until they call you back if you can’t get a hold of them. Grieving and organizing a funeral can be very overwhelming – it’s proper etiquette to give them a little space if they need it.
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Express your sympathy to the family and ask what you can do to help to plan the funeral.
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Go on and on – be brief, and let the family members express their grief if they need to.
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Say things like: “I am sorry about Larry. He was a good man and I miss him a lot.”
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Don’t get overly emotional when talking to the deceased’s family members – it’s okay to cry, but if you are unable to stop, politely excuse yourself.
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Send an email instead of visiting if you are not a close family member of friend.
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Send your condolences via text. Even in today’s modern world, it’s still considered a little too informal.
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Wear your Sunday best to the funeral – it doesn’t have to be black, just conservative.
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Show up at the funeral wearing sneakers and playing video games on your phone.
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Take food to the wake or other post-funeral family and friends gathering.
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Forget to call whoever is hosting the gathering and asking what type of food to bring.
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Seek out the family to comfort them as soon as you get to the funeral. You are there to support them in their grief.
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Be afraid to express your condolences and respects. You’re not intruding – this is why the family is holding the funeral.
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Remember that if there is a cemetery site service that the chairs are for friends and family.
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Talk or be distracting in any way during ceremonies.
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Share your feelings online. Many funeral homes and churches have sections on their websites for people to leave their condolences. This is a great way for a grieving family to find comfort after the funeral is over.
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Take photos at the funeral or graveside service – and share them on social media. (Unless, of course, the deceased’s family actually wants that to happen.)
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Be sensitive to cultural and religious customs at funerals. (For instance, it is not proper etiquette to send flowers to an Orthodox Jewish funeral.)
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Present the family with any sort of religious gifts or cards if it is a non-religious ceremony.
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Talk to people at the funeral. Joining together is part of the grieving process.
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Break out colorful jokes or stories – unless the family enjoys that sort of humor.
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Be on time for the funeral.
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Show up at a private funeral you were not invited to. Sometimes families want to keep funerals and memorials very small. This should be respected.
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