Grief Support and Coping With Death
Losing a loved one is the most difficult thing humans go through. While we all know intellectually that death is an inevitable part of life, that doesn’t seem to be of much comfort when you lose a loved one and you are overcome with grief – or you are trying to comfort someone else who is overcome with grief.
Defining & Dealing with Grief
While there are plenty of self-help books and experts espousing how one should deal with grief, there’s unfortunately no handbook that will tell you how you will grieve, how long you will grieve and when you can expect to feel “normal” again.
It’s sounds like a bad cliché, but it’s true: Everyone grieves differently. Grief depends on the type of loss – a parent, a friend, a spouse, or the most painful of all, a child – and how well equipped someone is to deal with the onslaught of conflicting emotions and sadness they’ll be faced with. Grieving the death of a loved one often brings out:
- Shock
- Fear
- Denial
- Disbelief
- Confusion
- Sadness
- Anger
- Despair
- Guilt
- Destructive behavior
- Depression
All of these feelings are normal reactions to losing a loved one, but nobody is prepared for the intensity and duration of grief. One day, you might feel hopeful, the next, you are in the depths of despair – and you start to question your actual mental health.
The Importance of Grief Sharing
When someone you love is hurting, you want to do something – but most of the time, the only thing you have to do is be there. Encourage a grieving loved one to share his or her feelings with you – and you can share in the sorrow. Encourage grief talk, and don’t offer false comfort. You can’t fix anything, but you can be a safe shoulder to cry on.
Never underestimate the power of caring for someone – even just showing up with a pizza and some ice cream can help someone who is grieving feel better for just little while. Soon, all of the “little whiles” will add up.
The 5 Stages of Grief
By now, most of us are familiar with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ “five stages of grief” that sum up the main feelings each of us face when we lose a loved one:
- Denial: This isn’t happening.
- Anger: Why is this happening? Who can I blame?
- Bargaining: If I promise to be a good person, please make this not happen.
- Depression: Why even get out of bed? I’m too sad to move.
- Acceptance: I am finally at peace with what has happened.
While these are common and general, know that it’s not a diagnostic grief list. You may feel all of those in that order, or you may feel one or two, or all at once. We’re all different. The most important thing to remember when you are going through the stages of grief is the old saying, “This, too, shall pass.” Time is both your enemy and your friend, for it is the only thing that will ease your pain and get you back to your life again.
Grief Counseling & Reaching Out
While the responses to grief are normal, it doesn’t mean you can’t help yourself deal with a loss by reaching out to grief support groups or even finding a mental health therapist who can help talk you through some of your darkest emotions and mood swings.
It’s also a good idea to talk to friends and family who share your grief. Bottling up your anger, sadness and despair could manifest itself in self-destructive behaviors like abusing alcohol or drugs, withdrawing from normal activities and not being able to perform at work.
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